That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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