so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
