I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize