Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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