Well apparently he's into motor boating.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
