Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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