I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
