Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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