so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
