when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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