i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
ok first of all what the fuck
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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