I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
