The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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