Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
