He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
