You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
not ubering you a puppy
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
