im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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