The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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