Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
