can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
