so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
