I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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