I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
