I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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