Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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