do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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