I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
