benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
