Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
