I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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