I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she peed on how many people?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
