Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
two words...techno handjob
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
