So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
