So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
