If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
