the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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