can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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