You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
