his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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