YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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