Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
