my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
