sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
