No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
