I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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