hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
