So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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