Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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