I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
