Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
