I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
