Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize