We're like a lot better than the average bears
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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