There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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