I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
