So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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