oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
