just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
