I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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