So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
