we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
