this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
