it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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