obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
