singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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