how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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