Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
