I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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