Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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