Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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