I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
