Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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