On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize