Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
