wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
