he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
