Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
