every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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