i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
