Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
