Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
