I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
