thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
