His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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