I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
