I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I hate all girls vehemently.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
