She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
